With the promise of heavy drinking, Jack is back with the annual D&R Awards as he prepares for a stormy Christmas period, which may make him forget to do his job.
2010 was a much more exciting year than 2009, nonetheless there was as much to be amused about as there has always been here at D&R.
We managed to dislodge the Awards List from Jack’s drunken hands. Our biggest awards yet with many winners and joint awardees, so here goes:
The D&R Endurance Award
150m Nigerians and Aung San Suu Kyi
Shared between the people of Nigeria for coping with the limbo caused by the absence of the late President Umaru Musa Yar’Adua and
Aung San Suu Kyi, the Myanmar Dissident and international face of peaceful resistance, who had been under House Arrest for resisting the Military Junta for almost 15 years and finally released in November 2010.
We simply love this Girl!
The D&R Best Attempt at Telling Time Award
Ndi Okereke-Onyiuke, former DG NSE -
196 Rolex watches for a variety of reasons with many going missing and not reaching the intended recipients, all purchased or billed at staggering amounts, amongst other allegations against the former DG.
Some silly D&R reader suggested that each Rolex watch represented every 10 kilograms of the dear madam’s weight. How bitchy!
The D&R Quote of the Year (Intelligent)
Mallam Sanusi Lamido Sanusi – to the House Committee at a hearing over his comments on national expenditure - “My name is Sanusi Lamido Sanusi, (my name is) not Central Bank Governor. I enjoy my job but if you want me to quit, I will honourably quit,”
The D&R Quote of the Year (Not so Intelligent)
Ex-President Olusegun Obasanjo – to the Press questions on the emergence of former Vice President Atiku Abubakar as Northern Consensus Candidate (Ciroma Committee) within the PDP – I dey laff o!” Huh?
The D&R Quote of the Year (Highly Suspicious)
President Goodluck Jonathan – following the 1st of October Abuja Bombings that brought great shame to Nigeria at her 50th Anniversary of Independence Celebrations – “it was not MEND…. I am Niger Delta…etc etc.”
The D&R Decision of the Year (Highly Dubious)
The National Executive of the People’s democratic Party - for issuing the most double-sided position statement on the validity of President Jonathan’s Presidential bid despite the ‘zoning agreement’ within the PDP.
We are still confused as to whether the ‘zoning agreement’ exists or not and if it does, what rationale was given by the party to look the other way as the President declared his intent to run come the 2011 General Elections.
The D&R Decision of the Year (Self-Preservation)
President Goodluck Jonathan – The President’s decision to run for office on his own steam at the 2011 General Elections despite ‘Northern’ opposition within his own party. We pray reverently that it spells the end of the self-serving ‘zoning arrangement’ that prevails at all levels of government.
The D&R Worst Attempt at Re-Branding Nigeria Award:
Amos Adamu – for attempting to teach the world what they already knew and expected of Nigeria and Nigerian Officials.
When we fail to catch them here at home, someone else will do the job for us.
The D&R Worst Attempt at Branding & Positioning a Nation Award:
The British Media – for the explosive disclosures of corrupt FIFA officials doing what many always suspected they did for years whilst England hoped to be awarded the staging of the World Cup at the next round of voting.
Talk about over-eagerness at doing your job! Ndi Okereke-Onyiuke should have advised on timing.
The D&R Best Attempt at Re-Branding Nigeria Award:
Anthony Dara & NN24 – for setting the standard for delivery of 24 hour news on television matching they well-established communications brands, globally.
At last we can see that not all Nigerians speak in bad English with contrived accents and poor communication skills.
Welcome to our world NN24. It is a struggle against the norm but we shall get there!
The D&R Political Comeback Kid Award
Atiku Abubakar and Nuhu Ribadu
Shared between two people who have scaled, for now, the battles against the establishment to re-emerge as 'forces' on the political scene against the odds.
For different reasons they have got the watchers excited again about politics in Nigeria.
The D&R Innovation of the Year Award:
Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) – for bringing to the fore Plea Bargain as a means of shortening otherwise lengthy and expensive trials of Big Boys and Girls of Nigerian society and leadership.
Plea Bargain and a Hospital bed for robbing stakeholders blind using a large corporate institution, meets the minimum standard of punitive measures expected by suffering Nigerians.
Though the ‘benefits’ of plea-bargaining were painstakingly explained by all and sundry, we still do not get it or like it!
The D&R Disappearance of the Year Award:
Joint Winners
Former First Lady Turai Yar’Adua – after being so prominent in the news over power struggles, contracts, ministerial nominations, spurious pet projects that attracted huge donations, redeemed or unredeemed pledges, and instilling fear in the hearts of men who surrounded the late President Yar’Adua.
Taminu Yakubu – former Chief Economic Adviser to late President Yar’Adua and alleged leader in the Kitchen Cabal/Cabinet.
Michael Aondoaaka – former Attorney general of the Federal Republic of Nigeria who has vanished into thin air after years of braggadocio and numerous allegations of corruption whilst attempting to maintain a face of studious professionalism during tenure.
The D&R Re-emergence of the Year Award
Femi Otedola, President, Zenon.
From the face-off with former besto Aliko Dangote, to fearing for his life and lengthy self-imposed holidays abroad with ongoing curious matters of share manipulation and attempts on his life in Nigeria to Best friend of the President and possibly the most influential Private Sector supporter of the present administration.
A position that puts Femi Otedola back in play and seemingly more powerful than his besto cum momentary enemy Aliko Dangote who previously held that position during the Yar’Adua leadership period.
Turn by Turn Plc.
The D&R Best Judicial Decision Award:
Jointly won by the Appeals Court Judges in overturning the ‘victories’ by the PD in Ekiti and Osun States.
And in Delta State for declaring elections never took place three and a half years earlier, thereby throwing out Governor Emmanuel Uduaghan.
We are still scratching our heads over this one, wondering why it took so long to realize elections never took place in the first instance. Duh!
The D&R Best Attempt at Usurping Limelight:
Joint Winners.
Mrs Farida Waziri, Chairperson EFCC – for claiming to be working closely with Interpol and other foreign Police forces following the arrest and detention of ex-Delta State Governor James Ibori in Dubai, UAE.
General John Togo – Leader MEND? Militants? – for re-engaging in the wars in the creeks after the Amnesty Agreements whilst former powerful militants had seemingly turned their backs on the fighting.
General John Togo, a Nigerian by the way, seems to have caught everyone on the hop and is now the big player in the Niger Delta crisis.
Whoever thought this crisis was simply going to go away by throwing money at it, we ask.
The D&R Most Curious/Ridiculous Social Networking Name Award:
Çärhèèm Koscienly Horlarmieleykan Yousouv –
We are still trying to workout nationality, tribal origin, aims and objectives or psychological profile of this Facebook character.
The D&R Reversal of Fortune Award:
President Barrack Obama & the Democratic Party – for throwing away the exciting opportunity presented by a historic win at a General Elections during mid-term assessment.
Mr. President Sir, Nice guys never win in a Machiavellian world.
The D&R Worst Attempt at Pleading Innocence Award:
MEND Leader Henry Okah – for throwing red herrings everywhere but where it matters. “A close aide of the President called me and asked me to deny that it was MEND”
Er…Dude, we are tired of chasing ghosts! Whodunit?
The D&R Best Attempt at Shooting Own Foot:
Action Congress of Nigeria (AC) – a repeat award and a repeat winner despite change of name.
For attempting to blow away the gains of Ekiti, Osun and building momentum by disposing of Babatunde Fashola as Governor and Gubernatorial candidate of the party in Lagos State.
Go ahead, make their day!
The D&R Best Use of an Internationally-Respected Award:
The Nobel Peace Prize Committee.
(Unlike last year when the same award won our Best MisUse nomination, by giving it to a man who simply thought about Peace.)
The Nobel Peace Prize Committee have redeemed themselves by giving it in absentia to Liu Xiaobo of China who is currently in jail in China for fighting for peace within a very restrictive system and culture.
The D&R Team of the Year is…..
Joint Winners
Nigerian Sportswomen –
For rising above the mundane each time they were called upon in 2010 and bringing joy to many suffering Nigerians.
The Female Athletes at the African Athletics Championships, the Commonwealth Games and of course the Super Falcons at both the Women’s World Cup and the African Women’s Football Championships.
What will we do without our super Nigerian women?
Black Stars of Ghana –
For lifting African Pride at the World Cup in South Africa through hard work, commitment and National Pride. For a whole month we all wanted and wished to be Ghanaians. For a lifetime we shall remember this team. Akwaaba!
The D&R Man of the Year is…..
A very close call this year, which had a sole front-runner until the late emergence, both on the national and international scene of two amiable characters.
This year’s award, in tune with many others given , is shared by the following:
Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu – Action Congress of Nigeria - for fostering the Opposition Politics in Nigeria and re-invigorating our dour hopes of a competitive 2011 General Elections in Nigeria.
Mallam Sanusi Lamido Sanusi – Governor, Central Bank of Nigeria - a late resurgence by last year’s winner, for firstly being the catalyst for the guilty verdict handed down to Cecilia Ibru, our very own Ma Baker of the Banking Industry and then, just as we were about to forget him, standing up to the House Committee querying him on comments made over the 25% share of the annual government expenses by the National Assembly alone! See also The D&R Quote of the Year (Intelligent)
Julian Assange – Publisher of online news site www.wikileaks.com - who started out as an expose of United States Government cables and transmissions on a variety of sensitive subjects and operations across the world AND then caught the imagination of Nigerians with the exposure of dealings and communications focused on the leadership and operations of major countries and corporations in Nigeria.
There it is, Ladies and Gentlemen, fans of D&R.
The End.
We pray for an exciting 2011 General Elections, a peaceful year ahead and more curious things that make you go….hmmmmm.
As Jack returns to continue the long hard slog towards oblivious drunkenness in celebration of the festive season, we say Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year Everyone!
